Open and Honest

Lately things have been a little disappointing around here.  To start, my garden is not moving in the direction I would like it to.  I have ONE cucumber that has successfully grown; the rest just emerge and then turn yellow and shrivel.  I had lots of little baby watermelons and cantaloupes but only one of each has truly grown.  Tomatoes on the other hand are doing OK.  Still no zucchini and bugs are getting my blackberries. Boo!

Second, my lifestyle has been far from frugal!  I'm a little embarrassed by how much money I have been spending on clothes for the girls and other random items.  There's a little clothing company, Persnickety Clothing, that has the most adorable clothing for girls, made here in the USA.  There are very expensive, but over the July 4th holiday the entire spring line went 50% off.  Well, I couldn't control myself.  Then, the girls just had to get new shoes to match their outfits.  Again, another little boutique company, Joyfolie, who's shoes are made in the US.  But, I am recovering and trying to get myself back on track.  I prefer not to advertise what I spent last month :)

Finally, I am really disliking the mother I am becoming.  I am now confessing that I am a yeller, and not proudly!  For some reason I am more so in the summer than during the school year.  Being around the girls all day is stressful and they get tired of each other too which leads to lots of bickering.  My patience runs thin and I find myself instantly snapping.  (Thank God I am not a stay-at-home mom!)  Big O has been especially testy lately and the poor thing thinks I don't love her.  She is truly the sweetest little thing until she gets an idea in her head. I can tell her household rules over and over until I am blue in the face, but she doesn't seem to process them.  She will be in the middle of doing something she knows she shouldn't and I will calmly tell her "hands off" or "walk away" while she continues the behavior.  I repeat myself more firmly and still no response.  I finally raise my voice to a yell and she will snap out of it and begin screaming, "Why do you always yell at me??" and begin crying.  Did I not just ask her politely two other times??  I have tried timeouts, giving choices, taking her lovey away, behavior charts, modeling positive behaviors--nothing is working!!  (I accept all and any suggestions a more brilliant mama/papa has, because I am about to commit myself to the loony bin! )  I also think a lot of my yelling comes from other stressors that really don't have anything to do with the girls, which is horrible!  A while ago I across a website, The Orange Rhino Challenge (www.theorangerhino.com), and longed to become this mom who doesn't yell.  The creator of this site has gone beyond 365 days without yelling at her 4 boys!  I have been wanting to take the challenge for some time, but for some reason I have been hesitant to.  Is it because I LIKE yelling?  No.  I'm not sure what it is; maybe a fear of failing or maybe it's because yelling is the only successful way of getting through to her.  It's not easy admitting that you are a yelling mom...a BIG-time yelling mom.  But, I think I am now ready for the challenge...I have succumbed to the guilt.  If I can go an entire school day without yelling at somebody else's kid, why can't I go a day without yelling at my own kids.  Makes me sad.  So, I begin my challenge: 10 days without yelling.  10 days doesn't seem like that much, but I'll struggle to go one day!  Wish me luck!